So I'm in the local Co-op buying a bottle of wine. Spotty youth at the checkout is trying to scan it but it won't scan. He asks his camp co-worker why it won't. "Well, it's obvious", he says. "This is an evil bottle of wine - it's not Fairtrade, so it's probably produced by enslaved North Korean children!" "Er... it's Italian," I say. "Yes, probably produced by Mussolini's descendants" he says, and flounces theatrically to serve someone else. I love this. It proves that, as John Shuttleworth wisely opined, "Shopkeepers in the north are nice."