Saturday, February 17, 2007

Queen Coleen


I've read the Guardian, man and boy, for a very long time- but after reading today's issue, I'm seriously considering a change. The front page - the front page! - of today's issue is dominated by a photo of Coleen as Venus. The Weekend magazine's main feature is a further portfolio of her in the guise of the woman in various famous paintings. Even if Ms McLoughlin had achieved anything in her life other than being the girlfriend of Mr Potato Head, this still would represent an extravagant waste of the paper's resources, and constitute an insult to its readers, who buy the paper to be informed about national and world events, to read the reviews, to enjoy lively and well-written features by good writers. Instead, we get a huge publicity puff for a totally worthless book. She is, apparently, "an icon". God help us.

21 comments:

'er indoors said...

At least it seems the Graun doesn't insist that all its contributors grovel before Queen Col and the Spud-She-Likes. I knew we could count on the magnificent Lucy Mangan:http://www.guardian.co.uk/g2/story/0,,2016847,00.html

Stevie's full of good intentions said...

Mr. Potato Head? Dat Kartoffeljesicht? Runää, Runää ...

Harriet said...

I have to confess I rather enjoyed this item. I thought the pics were lovely and my opinion of this girl rose slightly when I read the piece.

Rob Spence said...

Harriet - you are just an old softie! I've nothing against Coleen, but I do feel that the Guardian should be above Hello magazine-style celeb culture. The pics are lovely, I agree, but what's the point beyond selling her book? If she'd written about art, then maybe it would be justified. Somehow, I think we'll have a long wait for Coleen on The Shock of the New...
Stevie - richtig! Er ist doch Herr Kartoffeljesicht nicht wahr?

Stevie's full of good intentions said...

Rob - dunno if it's better to have a Swine's tiger on the field instead of the Kartoffelkopp.

BTW: The player I liked worst was Lothar Matthäus - always talking and telling rubbish most of the time.

Rob Spence said...

Stevie - yes, Lothar was indeed the most loathsome.
Did you see he thinks he should be Bayern's next coach?

'er indoors said...

Quite agree re Lothar but feel compelled to add the vile Stefan Effenberg to the Most Hated list. Still, the look on his face when Solskjaer scored on that glorious night in '99 gave me a great deal of pleasure.

As for poor old Bastian, surely 'Schweinsteiger' conjures up a more disturbing image than a mere 'swine's tiger'?

Rob Spence said...

Oo-er missus!

Stevie's full of good intentions said...

You're right, Ma'am Indoors, Effe was heavy stuff, too. But no one is as Goddamdumb and loud as Lodda.

Players you like? Beckenbauer, Seeler, Müller? Rummenigge and his sexy knees? Völler aka Tante Käthe? Klose-ly?

Rob Spence said...

My favourite was always Gunther Netzer...

Stevie's full of good intentions said...

Netzer! Good choice, Rob! Shame on me I forgot to mention him!

'er indoors said...

I'm surprised that our host omitted to mention the Blessed Bert Trautmann and St Uwe of Rösler. As for me, I'm a little too young to remember the finer points of most those included in the roll of honour. Tante Käthe is a definite no-no, however - looks too much like a porn star.

Rob Spence said...

Bert Trautmann was my boyhood hero. What a guy!

Stevie's full of good intentions said...

Oh Man, I think I forgot these HEROS playing for ManU ! I'm such a &%$&#'* ...

Tante Käthe looking like a porn star? Hm. CrazyStevie (ask Francessa about this) just tries to imagine what the title of this por-no might be. It's hard. Ich glaub, das ist dann doch nicht mein Ding.

Rob Spence said...

NOT Man U!!!!
He played for CITY...

'er indoors said...

No, no, no, Stevie! Such a faux pas! The Topsyturvymeister (being of the blue persuasion) will be apoplectic at the thought of those heroes of yore playing for 'Red Scum'!
I'm struggling to think of any Germans who have played for the mighty Reds .... Meanwhile, I'm off to look for the sal volatile!

Stevie's full of good intentions said...

Whadda Fauxpas indeed ! Hope the sal volatile helped and Rob was able to go to work this morning ...

I did some homework and found no German ever playing for the ... but some more for the Citizens. It's not only Bert Trautmann and Uwe Rösler, but Eike Immel (very good goalie), Maurizio Gaudinho and Dietmar Hamann.

BTW: If Bert Trautmann was your boyhood hero, Rob: May I ask how old you are? I would just like to know.

Rob Spence said...

Stevie - as you will have worked out, I'm ancient. Geboren 13.11.54...

Stevie's full of good intentions said...

Rob, I'm not as ancient. But becoming 40 this summer, I cannot call myself a young man, either.

To get back to the beginning of our small little discussion:

Today, I bought "11 Freunde", a magazine about football-culture. They have a nice article about football and sex, a very nice and never ending issue. As you will have guessed, this has to do with Runää, too. It is mentioned that 10 (!) of his whorehouse visits are recorded by cameras.

Let me add a very nice quote by Berti Vogts:

"Sex before the match? My boys can handle this, as they like. But not in the halftime break."

Rob Spence said...

But not in the halftime break...
I like that - this is obviously why he was a failure with Scotland.

Stevie's full of good intentions said...

Another quote by Berti:

"If I could walk upon water, my critics would say: Look at him, he can't even swim".